a lingering desire

I grew tired of trying to crack a smile
and zone out for a while
since recycled thoughts of malice
with frightening cries
faceless shapes,
surrounded me
a shade of grey
colorless
- was it even worthwhile?

Hours past midnight
halfway passed out,
popping pills alone
drowning my sorrows
as I'm drowning in myself -
can't hardly wait to die -
It's the time of my life
in my own ocean of personal problems
I can't help but wonder;
"why bother waiting for tomorrow"?
when I can't even stand today

I still feel the unknown
a presence of threat builds up
also building towards unbelievable debt
and I wonder what that's like
the day I'm gone,
when there is nothing left
wondering how it wound be like
to die alone
To fall into oblivion,
forgotten once more
but I bet we'll meet soon again

How to be forgotten
when once chosen
by such greateness
who subject us to our greatest fears?
Teaches us of salvation in destruction
test my custom designed order through chaos
who reflect our inner selves!
Misery and anger combined as one
created eons ago
built of ticking time bombs
I hail from the forgotten tombs
the graves of where light comes to die
Now I stand before you
as the loveless god to reclaim what's mine